Who is Your village?
Pregnancy and motherhood are full of magical, messy, beautiful, hard moments.
Most people are familiar with the phrase, “It takes a village” as it relates to raising children. Historically, and still in many communities around the world, the whole village does come together to raise a child and support the parents. This post is all about who you might want to add to your village, how to grow your support team, and the benefits of having strong support throughout pregnancy, postpartum, and motherhood.
Pregnancy
There are unique ups and downs with every pregnancy, and no one can ever fully prepare for the physical, emotional, social, and cognitive changes. Women who feel well supported throughout pregnancy tend to report better mental and physical health, and more satisfaction with their birth experiences. We’ve put together a few ideas about who you might consider walking alongside you throughout pregnancy and birth.
Build your Birth Team: There are many questions to consider when you think about your healthcare team throughout pregnancy and how you envision your birth. It is helpful if everyone on your birth team is aware and supportive of your plans and wishes. Is your primary healthcare provider during pregnancy an obstetrician or a midwife? Where will you plan to give birth? Who do you want there? Do you have a birth doula? Do you have a birth plan? There is no right answer to any of these questions, and births definitely don’t always go according to plan. But research shows that women who feel in control of their choices regarding birth have better postpartum outcomes. And women who feel supported throughout their entire labor have better health outcomes for themselves and their baby.
Consider body’s work: Your body goes through dramatic physical changes throughout pregnancy. Many women have uncomfortable swelling, foot pain, back pain, headaches, and muscle cramps. Relief can be found from a chiropractor, acupuncturist, and/or massage therapist who specializes in working with pregnant women. Ask your healthcare provider or trusted moms in your area who they recommend. Some women may not have the time or financial resources to receive these services. Asking friends or family to gift a massage session or a package of massage sessions is one way to avoid covering the cost yourself.
Get Familiar with Pelvic Floor Therapy: Your pelvic floor is an area of your body that is incredibly impacted by pregnancy and birth. A pelvic floor therapist is a physical or occupational therapist who receives extra training to evaluate and treat your pelvic floor (all the muscles and tissues that are found between your sacrum and your pubic bone). Research shows that pelvic floor muscle training during pregnancy corresponds to improved labor experience and postpartum recovery. Pelvic floor therapy is also recommended postpartum, so try to find someone you’ll be comfortable working with then as well!
Prioritize Your Mental Health: Because pregnancy is an experience unlike any other, many women experience emotions unlike any other time of life. If you already see a therapist, continue seeing them throughout pregnancy. If you don’t see a therapist but have considered it, now is a great time to start! If you take any medications to support your mental health, you can work with your therapist and healthcare provider to ensure you are getting the help you need throughout pregnancy.
Strengthen Relationships with Your Partner, Family, and Friends: Pregnancy is a wonderful time to consider who you want to help raise your child(ren). Foster these relationships so that you are surrounded by people who love you, will love your child(ren) and can support you in your motherhood journey! Build your village!
Plan for Postpartum: Towards the end of your pregnancy, start to think about who you want to support you after your baby’s birth.
Immediate Postpartum
The postpartum time frame is commonly called the “fourth trimester.” This refers to the 6 weeks following birth when you are recovering and your baby is adjusting to their new world. After you bring your baby home (or maybe you’re already at home following a home birth), you’re left alone to care for this new little person AND your healing body. Even if you’ve done all the research and talked to experienced moms ahead of time, you may not feel prepared for everything this season has in store. Having a solid support system can help make sure you are well fed, hydrated, rested, and in the best possible state to care for your new baby. Women who have strong postpartum support systems report better physical and mental health outcomes, more success with breastfeeding, and a stronger bond with baby.
Choose Your Postpartum Team: The first few weeks following birth brings new emotions and routines. Who can bring you food and keep you hydrated? Who can care for baby while you rest or take a shower? Who can give you a massage while your breastfeed? Who can answer your questions about diaper rash, postpartum healing, and baby’s first cold? You may be thinking of your partner, female relatives, close friends, and/or a postpartum doula. Whoever you choose to support you during this time, try to include a wise woman who has been through it all before and can listen to all your questions, emotions, and concerns with an open and loving heart (think about your mom, grandmother, godmother, or someone who plays a similar role in your life).
Consider the Best Postpartum Healthcare Team: Many hospital care models include several infant wellness checks in the first few weeks, but only one visit focused on mom - at 6 weeks. A lot of women have questions and concerns about themselves during that time, but most of the focus is on the baby. If you can plan ahead of time, find a model that focuses on mom’s health as well as the baby’s. If not, ensure that a strong support system can help you prioritize your care during those first 6 weeks. And by the 6 week mark, find a pelvic floor therapist who can help you rehabilitate - even if you are not experiencing any signs of pelvic floor dysfunction (urinary incontinence, prolapse, diastasis recti).
Consult a Lactation Expert: For breastfeeding moms, prioritize a relationship with a lactation expert. Despite what our society instills in us, breastfeeding is not an innate ability, and MANY women hit roadblocks along the way. Breastfeeding takes time to learn - for both mom and baby - and there are many ways to set yourself up for the best chance at a successful breastfeeding experience.
Continue to Prioritize Your Mental Health: The first few weeks postpartum are uniquely new and challenging. Your post-pregnancy hormones combined with sleep deprivation and stresses of new parenthood create the perfect recipe for a range of mental health challenges. Talking to a therapist, prioritizing self-care, and monitoring your mental health are so important - whether or not you have a diagnosis.
Motherhood
No matter where you are on your motherhood journey, we see you. Your village may keep you afloat and supported throughout pregnancy and the fourth trimester, but we encourage you to keep them around. Those magical, messy, beautiful, hard moments never end, and no one should have to navigate it alone. You may have different needs throughout each season of motherhood, and your support system may ebb and flow. Having quality support can help you enjoy the beautiful moments even more and keep you grounded and hopeful during the hardest moments. As you go throughout different stages of motherhood, keep prioritizing your physical, mental and emotional health. It may feel like the opposite of what you want to do or have time to do, but you deserve to be cared for.
One last thing…
Remember that YOU get to define what support means to you. Well-intentioned friends and family members may think they are supporting you, but you may not be interpreting and receiving it the way it is intended. Don’t be afraid to ask for the support that you need, or to redirect if someone is not meeting your needs. If you have good family and friends, they want to help! Sometimes support involves doing the dishes and folding the laundry - not holding the cute, new baby.
If someone asks what they can do for you, try asking for something specific. For example, “I have been exhausted, and it’s so hard to (what do you need to get done?). I would be really appreciative if you could (how can they help you?).” When someone asks how you are doing, try saying something like, “Actually, today has been pretty tough. I’m feeling (how are you feeling? Be honest.) It would mean a lot to me if you could (how can they help you?).” You get to be the judge of who can help you, in what ways they can help you, and how you need to feel supported.
It’s never too late to grow your village. If you find yourself drowning in the childcare, housework, career, expectations, guilt, back pain, and stress… take a step back and think about what you need. If you don’t quite know yet, call us for a consult and we can help you figure it out! We support pregnant and postpartum moms along every step of their journey.
To all the moms and soon to be moms: you are so WILDLY capable, but you don’t have to do it on your own.
This blog most was written by our amazing and talented doctor of occupational therapy student, Courtney Weber!