Becoming Her: Navigating the Messy, Beautiful Transition into Motherhood
by Dr. Hayley Chrzastowski, OTD, OTR/L
Let’s just get this out of the way: motherhood is a full-body, full-soul transformation. It’s not just a role you step into—it’s a becoming. A slow unraveling and reweaving of who you are. And no one really prepares you for just how tender, disorienting, overwhelming, and exhausting that becoming can feel.
I’m writing this not just as a maternal and infant occupational therapist, but as a new mom in it with you. I see it clinically, yes—but I’m also living the blurry, beautiful chaos of postpartum life, shoulder to shoulder with the moms I support. So this post? It’s not coming from the expert who’s figured it all out. It’s coming from a tired, heart-full, still-finding-herself mother who gets it.
The Loss We Don’t Talk About
When you bring a baby into the world, you also say goodbye to a version of yourself—quietly, without ceremony. The independence, the sleep, the space to think in full sentences. The ability to finish a hot cup of coffee or get through a to-do list without fifteen interruptions. The woman who used to know exactly who she was and what she needed.
Now? You’re someone’s everything. And while that is sacred and beautiful, it can also feel so heavy.
There were days I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the reflection. Not just physically—but energetically. I missed the “me” I used to be. And then felt guilt for missing her. How could I long for who I was when I had everything I ever wanted in my arms?
But mama—that tug-of-war between gratitude and grief is real. And valid. And normal. You’re not ungrateful. You’re human.
The Mental Load No One Sees
Let’s talk about the invisible weight we carry. The mental tabs open 24/7. The constant background noise of "Did the baby eat enough?", "When did I last pump?", "Did I respond to that work email?", "Do we have diapers?", "Am I bonding enough?", “Did we do tummy time?”, “Am I bleeding again?”.
Add sleep deprivation on top of that, and it’s no wonder you feel like you're operating at, maybe, 40% on a good day.
Returning to work only adds another layer. You're expected to show up like the old version of you, but that version no longer exists. You’re juggling a new identity, new hormones, a healing body, and a heart that's forever split between worlds. I’m crying as I am writing this just thinking about how intense all of this has felt at almost every moment of every day.
Sometimes, I find myself trying to do all the things: be fully present at work, fully available at home, keep the house running, check in with friends, pump, feed, clean, soothe, heal—and I come up short. Every. Single. Time.
Because, truthfully? No one can do all the things. Especially not alone. Especially not while rebuilding from the inside out.
So Here’s What I Want You to Know
If you’re in the thick of it right now, please know:
✨ You are not failing. You are adjusting.
✨ You are not broken. You are becoming.
✨ It’s okay if you don’t love every moment.
✨ It’s okay if you’re still figuring out who you are now.
✨ And it’s okay to ask for help—you were never meant to do this alone.
You are learning to mother your baby and yourself. And that kind of growth is both exhausting and sacred. There’s no timeline. There’s no perfect way. Just one small, brave step at a time. And every step counts. Even if you take two steps forward and one step back!
A Gentle Invitation
If you’ve found yourself in this post—if you’ve nodded or cried or exhaled reading these words—I want you to know I see you. Not just as your OT, but as your peer. I get it. And I’m here for the real, raw, unfiltered version of your journey.
Motherhood is not a neat checklist. It’s a tender unraveling and reassembly of your soul. And you don’t have to figure it all out today.
Let’s keep walking it together—messy hair, leaky boobs, full hearts and all.
With love and so much compassion,
Dr. Hayley
Maternal & Infant OT, Fellow Mama, Becoming Human Again